You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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