why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
