i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
