i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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