I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
