i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also, beer. Big fan.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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