Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
