just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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