you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think a kid would responsible me up
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
