This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
