I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
