You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
