she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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