I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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