I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
