i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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