weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
