According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
