Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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