how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
