you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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