i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
