I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
