I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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