I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
