i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
