I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
