Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
