Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
