Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
