Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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