Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
