After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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