yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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