I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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