I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
