im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
