Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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