time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
