I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
