we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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