is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
