Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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