I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
