After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
