he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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