ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
