Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
