my sisters under your porch take her home
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
