we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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